Making self-care count

WorkLifePsych News 015

Welcome to the November newsletter

This month, I continue our focus on Thriving at Work, exploring a few different facets of wellbeing. And I answer a few very important wellbeing-related questions. What it's like to be excluded and ignored at work, and what does it do our wellbeing? How can you know if your thoughts about the past are helping or hindering you? And how can you be proactive and intentional when it comes to your self-care? 

Speaking of which, I'm about to fly to Japan for a well-earned break and engage in some very intentional self-care in a selection of onsens. But there's no need to hop on a plane and soak in a hot spring! You can invest in your wellbeing by taking a walk, connecting with a friend, making sleep a priority or simply engaging in your favourite hobby. 

Until next month, I'll say さようなら (sayonara) and a big ありがとう ございます(arigatou gozaimas) for reading. 

Ostracism, loneliness and wellbeing

I was delighted to welcome two experts on the topic of ostracism and exclusion onto the podcast. Dr. Ian Tyndall and Dr. Dan Waldeck explained the role their research has played in enabling us to better understand how being ostracised impacts us.

We contrasted the experience with loneliness, which I'd previously covered back in Ep 135, when I was joined by Dr. Sarah Wright. By way of reminder, you can find all the resources that accompany that campaign on the Connect and Thrive page. 

We explored ostracism through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Theory and looked at the many ways that perceptions of being excluded at work impact our thoughts, emotions and behaviour. It's a key topic for every with responsibility for people's wellbeing and inclusion in the workplace. 

Big thanks to Ian and Dan for their time and expertise. It's been one of the most popular episodes of the podcast for some time, so I think we've touched on something that's important to us all at a very human level. 

Learning from the past - or just re-living it?

In a recent video on the YouTube channel, I explored a topic that comes up in coaching sessions where we're exploring the past. Past experiences, past disappointments, past failures. Our time-traveling mind can easily bring us to the past when we don't intentionally want to. The risk is that our thinking strays from reflection - when we can identify some learning points from our past - and into rumination, where we simply re-live unpleasant experiences. And all the emotions that come with that.

Rumination isn't just unpleasant. It takes us away from the present moment, where we can be most effective. It can distract us from our priorities and the resulting emotions can have an unintended and unhelpful impact on our behaviour. 

So what can you do when you find yourself ruminating? Struggling with thoughts and emotions is ultimately fruitless, and a poor use of our limited resources. 

Building present moment awareness and gently bringing your attention to the here and now is a useful first step. Bring some self-compassion to the experience and acknowledge your pain or discomfort. You can also use the skill of cognitive defusion to get some distance from the bothersome or unpleasant memories. "I notice that my mind is giving me thoughts and memories about..." or "I notice I'm having the thought about..." are useful ways to rephrase and reframe the experience for yourself.

Finally, a question to draw a line under it all: when reflecting on the experience, ask yourself "What was I learning?" which is a much more compassionate and insightful way to explore it. 

Check out the video in full below. You may spot that it's far and away the most watched video I've published so far, which I think indicates this experience, just like loneliness, is a very common concern.

How to structure your self-care

In recent blog posts in the 'Thriving at Work' series, I explored why proactive self-care is so important when it comes to our wellbeing, why it's not always fun or joyful, and how to avoid some of the most common mistakes we make when it comes to self-care. Being intentional about this means having a toolkit of activities and a plan. And in the final blog post in the series, I outline how to cover 'all the bases' when selecting self-care activities. 

I share Martin Seligman's PERMA model as a useful framework against which you can plan self-care, as it covers positive emotions, engagement in meaningful activities, connection through relationships, clarify our purpose and meaning, and doing things that give us a sense of achievement. (You can find out more about the PERMA model in Ep 120 of the podcast).

Activities that fulfil these criteria could be as simple as a walk in the park with a friend, practising a new language, volunteering in a local community group, and listening to your favourite music. The important thing to note is that it doesn't suggest you actively avoid things that don't 'spark joy' - that kind of avoidance means we might neglect important activities and roles. But rather, we look for small opportunities each day to cover these themes as we invest in ourselves. 

Check out the short video below for more information on self-care and why it's an important element of our focus on wellbeing. 

Bringing flexibility to life

Longtime readers, listeners and clients will of course know that another way to boost wellbeing is to cultivate increased psychological flexibility. And you still have time to sign up for my brand new psychological flexibility course. You can find the details online at worklifepsych.com/thrivingwithpsychflex and watch the short introductory video below. 

By signing up this month, you'll have a full year's access to the online materials and all the workshops we schedule across 2024 and 2025. If you're responsible for a team, we can also offer group discounts, so get in touch to find out more.